*Look into the future...*
Now Playing: Island in the Sun by Weezer
So I've pretty much decided what I want to do with my life after high school. When I'm a senior, a year from now, I'm going to go to beauty college to learn how to be a hairdresser (and the other things you learn too; nails, waxing, etc.) and then I am also going to pursue a career in fitness instruction. See... I just canNOT stand the idea of sitting behind a computer all day... not that I mind the computer part, but I mind the fact that I know I would eat all day, and get really fat within a few years- and before you laugh, know that I am not exxagerating. My sister works at the city, and there are people who have worked there for a long time that just get FAT. That will not be my fate, if I can help it.

So... the two jobs that interest me pay decently to pretty well, and are also appearance-focused... meaning that I will have to keep up how I look. No one likes going to a fat, ugly hairdresser, or worse, a fat fitness instructor.

So I'm finally figuring out what I want to do! For two years of highschool, I sat saying "eh, I'll just get married and be a homemaker." But that's just not possible in today's economy. Plus, I'm getting bored bored BORED this summer just sitting at home, cleaning things. What would I do if that was all I did all day everyday for the rest of my life?? And I am REALLY not interested in going to college for 4-6 more years after I get out of highschool for a few reasons... 1) I am liking school less and less. 2) I don't want to be in debt so badly. 3) The two careers that interest me most don't take that much school... sure I will have to do 10 months of beauty school (but that's hands-on) and I may have to go to a JC for a while to get exactly what I need to be a fitness instructor... but I am not going to struggle through college.

One thing, outside of jobs, that I want to do when I'm 18 or 19 is live, even if it's just for the summer, by the beach (I have one in mind but I'm not going to write it); by myself, preferably. I am liking, more and more, to be home alone. I get things done, and I kind of like being alone. Is that bad that I don't always want to be with people? I don't think it is; but I know that I will need to have my time as an independent before I get married and have kids. Once I do that, I DON'T have the option to leave and live by myself... and that's awesome for that time of my life, but I also need that time of being alone, living alone, fending for myself.

I wonder where my independence comes from... possibly from having my parents split up and being bounced back and forth for so many years... I donno, I really don't...

And, friends, don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with you all, so when you read me saying that I like being alone, don't take that as a "Please stop calling me, I don't want to hang out anymore," thing... I guess it's honestly that I just kind of like not being tied to anyone... I love having lots of friends and everything, but, in case you all haven't noticed, I don't stay best friends with someone for long... not that it's bad, but when people attatch themselves to me too much, I pull away... which is why, like I said before, I need to be independent before I get married.

Ahh sooo many thoughts in my head.

*whew*
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Beverly Hills by Weezer
I am soo bored today... I woke up at 12, after going to bed at 4, and have done absolutely nothing today. I always wish I had more to do... if only I had a job, my license, and a boyfriend (and maybe a little money) then I'd be a lot less bored. Oh well.

So my mom said I couldn't have a myspace or a xanga, but she didn't say I couldn't have a website, so we'll see how this goes... I really miss having a page to decorate and a way to express myself to friends online... I guess this way is a little more protected in the sense that you can't google anything to find this, and I have to give the link to someone if they want to find it. Ok. Cool.

Tomorrow I'm leading worship with Keegan... it should be fun. Let's hope that my voice is awake tomorrow. Grr. I hate it... it always seems fine everyday but Sunday. Why is that?

I guess most of my friends are at this Jars of Clay/ Phil Wickham concert right now... I wish I had gone only because I'm bored out of my mind, not because I want to see either of them in concert... *sigh* oh well. Actually I don't think most of my friends are at it... just the ones that kept bugging me to go.

So I found out something on Tuesday night that made me really happy... but I can't tell anyone but those who already know. Tasha, Laura, Abbey, Julia- you should feel priveledged that I told you. The thing is, I'd love to shout it from the rooftops, but I have to keep it on the DL if ya know what I mean. It's not my secret to tell. I mean, it wouldn't be gossip for me to tell because it's about me... but... well it's all very complicated. Hopefully someday everyone will know and it will be out in the open. :)

Wellllll I'm going to go find something productive to do. Adios, amigos.